Dib Regrets
by toxic-dreamer-2
Summary: Sometimes we don't realize how important someone really is to us until thier gone. In truth there is nothing we can do to change the past...some give up....and some move on.But what every Dib decides to do......he's sure to learn something along the way..


**This is the first story I every sumitted...**

* * *

-Dibs P.O.V.- 

I'm in class again, yes it's been awhile since I've attended, almost 3 months. It doesn't really matter because my absences go unnoticed and my grades remain the same,this makes me wonder why I even bother.

I shift in my seat uncomfortably and sigh, my eyes glance to the other side of the room and to Zim's empty seat. 'Why did I look' I asked myself 'I knew he wasn't there and I know why'. I quickly look away, as if that alone would erase my guilt.

_I can not hold my head up high _

_a sight you'll never see _

_please know I take no pleasure _

_in this false lived Victory_

Yes it was my fault.

I had always seen myself as the hero, the one who would save all mankind from that alien menace, but in the end I let my rage get the better of me.

How I hated him for everything...and yet for nothing at all.

_My hands stained with your blood _

_my hopes long since been gone _

_I hated you for what you were _

_and the damage that you done_

I remember that day so well, how could I forget the way he looked at me, so hurt and confused. He knew I wanted to destroy him...didn't he?...I always told him I would, but then again, maybe as the years went by such threats became nothing but empty promises.

Is that why he looked at me the way he did...like I had ...broken the rules.

_I know you felt betrayed by me _

_for we played it like a game _

_and still we have no winner _

_and there's only me to blame_

But then again, why did that look hurt me so? Why did it make me feel as if I had been the one who was shot? Why did it scare me? Yes I was afraid...maybe for myself...maybe for him...I wasn't quiet sure.

I knelt down next to Zim and pulled him close, his eyes no longer filled with stubborn determination but with dazed confusion.

I was terrified...what had I done? How could I let it go this far?

My voice caught in my throat and I let out a choked sob. My hands shook as I held him, his eyes becoming dim and lifeless..

_your life it passed before me_

_when in my arms you died_

_I bet you couldn't understand_

_while holding youI cried_

No...I knew he didn't understand, I barely understood myself, but as the weeks went by I found little peace. I couldn't sleep because he haunted my dreams and I couldn't suppress my thoughts about that day, I couldn't forget him or what had happened.

It's true I cried, but what else was there to do...I couldn't change the past.

_My body's weak from lack of sleep _

_my eyes are red from tears _

_remembering these past events _

_reliving all my fears_

Gaz never asked, she didn't have to, for many weeks she barely said a word to me aside from the occasional 'whiner', but after 2 months she let her thoughts be known and how it hurt me...

"This is getting really pathetic Dib, all you do is lay around the house absorbed in your own self pity and it's really starting to tick me off."...I remember I didn't respond to this and just stared blankly at the floor...

Gaz didn't wait for a response though..."Stop pretending you didn't know this was going to happen sooner or later" she told me, there was a pause and then I could have sworn I heard her sigh.

"You need to...get over it and move on."

There was a lighter tone to her voice now, almost tired or even sympathetic. I shook the thought away, I could only be imagining such a thing...Gaz didn't care...she never did.

What hurt the most though was knowing she was right, I was desperately trying to hold on to something that wasn't there.

_I knew someday there'd be an end _

_but I didn't know the cost _

_when on the day of your demise _

_a part of me was lost_

Suddenly I found myself crying again, silent tears rolling down my face, right there in class. I looked around but no one seemed to notice...no one ever noticed.

I laid my head down on the cold desk and folded my arms around it. The only one that ever noticed me, who ever took me serious was Zim. I shivered a little...on the inside I was cold...my body weak...I knew the truth now though, but Zim... would he ever?

_it's true I'm filled with misery _

_not for my fallen foe _

_but for the only friend I had _

_the only friend I know_

As I drifted into sleep, something I have long since been robbed of, I dreamed he were right next to me...looking down on me.

"Foolish earth creature" his voice echoes.

I wake up startled, quickly glancing around, school is over and I'm alone in the room.

I get up and walk to the door slowly turning around to observe my surroundings. The room is empty...the only sound is the ticking of the clock on the wall, I look at Zim,s desk again. I can almost see him sitting there, glaring up at me suspicously.

_I know it is a foolish thing _

_to hold on to the past _

_but in my mind I won't let go_

_and still you live at last_

I'm tired...I don't realize it until this moment how tired I am...how tired I've been. I'm tired of crying, tired of being here when no one wants me, and tired of fighting. I want to just give up. Suddenly my thoughts trail off and my legs become weak as I collapse to the floor.

There's no reason in even getting up...Zim had been my only reason.

I'm having trouble breathing, I don't understand why, perhaps my body's giving up now too...it can't support me anymore.

My eyes feel heavy...there is a moment of fear and pain then everything goes dark.

_I know I can not bare this pain_

_my body's just to weak_

_my mind tells me to scream your name _

_but my mouth just will not speak_

The darkness fades away slowly, I feel no pain, my eyes are not burning from tears, my breathing is not heavy..."where was I".

I look up and there, there Zim stands before me, he looks down at me and gives me a brief smug smile.

"Zim...?" I question in disbelief "Is it really you?"

_my mind it can play tricks on me_

_what I can't touch, I feel_

_but there are facts I can't __deny_

_this moment seems so real_

"Foolish earth creature," Zim says just the way I had remember him saying it before.

"Zim," I gasp getting to my feet. I don't know what to say...part of me should have been afraid to face him. The look of relief and happiness left me quickly and I stepped back...

"Zim," I say, my voice quivering "I'm... sorry."

I'm starting to cry again.

_please let me say I'm sorry_

_I know it's not okay_

_but lift me of this burden_

_and take my guilt away_

He looks at me with slight disgust now "Stop your crying pathetic little worm baby," he says getting my attention "Is this how you honor the death of Zim by giving up".

I can't answer his question, I don't know how, but he continues to talk.

"It's time you move on Dib-beast" he says to me his tone serious and calm"You need to let me die."

_I feel that I am in your debt_

_I know I've caused you pain_

_I want to just surrender_

_but you won't let me give in_

"I...I can't," I finally answer but this only makes him angry.

"Grr..Why you stupid big headed...," he trails off a moment in anger...it was so much like him to do that... but then he sighs...

"It is not yet your time Dib-human," he tells me, "There is much you still have to do"...

"I don't understand," I answer honestly and he seems annoyed by this.

_it's true there's much that I don't know_

_please help me see the light_

_why is it I must stay alive_

_why is it I should fight_

"Listen stink-beast if you don't wake up soon then you will die," Zim tells me...I look down...

"So," I say...I don't really care anymore.

"Stupid human," he mumbles ...I look up at him blankly...

"Listen Dib," he calls me... no insult attached..."My fate was to die on earth by your hands...but your fate is bigger than that...it's bigger than both of us."

I stare at him in disbelief as he continued..."Ultimately my purpose has somehow been unfull filled and I am trapped here because of this, because of you."

_how could I know that somewhere_

_you suffered just the same_

_you need no explanation_

_you know that I'm to blame_

"What purpose?" I ask curious...he looks at me.

"To prepare you"...

"Prepare me?" I question again "For what?"...

"I am not aloud to say..." he replied obviously annoyed as he waved a hand out dismissively "But know it will be great."

"I can't go back," I say "How can I when there's nothing there for me."

"Have you forgotten your pitiful earth family already?" he asks me...

"I'm sure they've forgotten me," I answer, frowning.

"Lies," Zim yells at me "They need you because you make them strong."

_I think about my family_

_I wonder if they care_

_they never seem to show it_

_but maybe loves still there_

I'm not sure if I believe him but I'm curious now...whats going on?

"So I'm dieing?" I ask him with a confused stare.

"You are in a coma Dib-worm," Zim tells me, "But your time grows short".

"Are you sure I'm.."

"Yes," he answers before I finish "I'm sure you a destined for greatness... just as I am destined to help lead you down that path to greatness"...I see Zim smile...is he happy with this fate...how could he be...

I realize I am being selfish, stopping Zim from fulfilling his destiny; his mission.

I let go...of everything for a moment.

"OK Zim," I tell him, "I'm ready."

I look to see him smile at me.

"That's more like the Dib-pig I remember," he says seeming satisfied...but it doesn't seem fair.

_it seems the only thing you want_

_is to have your purpose served_

_but still I just can't help but think_

_it's not what you deserved_

Suddenly there is a bright light that opens next to me and i know i am to enter. I hesitate as I near it and turn to Zim who nods for me to leave, I feel like crying again but instead I find myself wrapping my arms around him in a hug. I look at him as I release my grip, his face wide eyed and blinking at me...suddenly it relaxes and he smiles

"You humans and your emotions," he smirks and then sighs, looking at me with a soft smile "Goodbye Dib."

"Zim?" I ask quietly, "Will I...see you again?"

He looks thoughtful for a moment before answering "Perhaps some day."

I feel like part of me wants to stay but I know I can't...suddenly I'm pulled into the light...I look back in time to see Zim fading away and everything around me goes dark again.

_I know I had to leave this place_

_a place I filled with doubt_

_but now I have to thank you_

_for showing the way out_

I feel myself waking up, at first everything is a blur and I realize I'm not wearing my glasses. Suddenly I feel them slip onto my face and there beside me is Gaz and at the door my father.

"Dad," she yells to him "He's awake"

I see my father turn and stare at me astonished, then running up next to me he...he hugs me. I'm not sure what to do at first but slowly as the warmth settles over me I hug him back. I can feel tears begin to form in my eyes...as if this is all I've ever wanted.

I'm confused though and I look to Gaz, she looks as if she hasn't slept in days and she smiles at me, a smile filled with warmth and relief.

_I've never felt so reassured_

_as my father hugs me tight_

_and a smile from my sister Gaz_

_tells me things will be alright_

Dad lets me go from his grip.

"son, how is it possible? I thought for sure that...that we had lost you"...

I don't know what to say to him...still stunned and confused at his reaction...

"Son," he asks again sounding worried "Are you ok...do you remember us?"

Of course I did why would he, my thought trails off as I realize I'm in a hospital bed hooked up to machines that are monitoring my brain waves and heart rate.How did I get here?...

"W...what happened dad?" I ask my voice a little shaky as if I hadn't talked in days.

He sighs in relief, glad that I recognized him and I can see tears forming behind his goggles. His shoulders are no longer tense and his face looks tired and I feel like I'm seeing him for the first time...as my dad.

_I think there are some things I missed_

_while laying here I slept_

_and now that I've awakened _

_I find my family wept_

A smile appears on my face after hearing the news, had I really just been in a coma for two weeks and almost died, I let my smile widen as Gaz finished her thought out loud

"Personally the idea always made me chuckle but you grinning about it is just creepy," She says earning a disapproving glance from our dad.

That was my sister for you though and I sighed...happily..."I'm not going to die," I say to them, "Not yet."

I'm sure of this but I don't think they know how sure.

"Of course not son," my dad says to me "But you'll still need some rest."

_I know that they're still worried_

_but I'm sure things will be fine_

_I feel like I am whole again_

_I'm taking back whats mine_

I'm not tired but I try to rest to put my dad at ease, it's seems to everyone here at the hospital that it's a miracle I survived, but something tells me I have you to thank Zim.

I'm not sure why, but I feel as though a great burden was lifted from me as I slept for the past two weeks. I wonder if I dreamed, but I can't remember, all I know is now I feel free.

_I feel that you forgive me_

_I don't know if it's true_

_but again my hopes are lifted_

_and I find I'm thanking you_

After two more days in the hospital under close watch I'm released, the full extend of my coma seems to be caused by severe emotional distress and physical exhaustion, and so I am told I will see a physical therapist for awhile so that I recover well. I don't worry about it though, I have my whole life ahead of me, and I am optimistic.

_as I began to walk away_

_I look up to the sky_

_I hope that you can hear me_

_as i say my last 'goodbye'_

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**fixed up a few things...but basically it's the same. **


End file.
